METAL GEAR SOLID 4: SNAKE'S ALZHEIMER IS A BITCH



Mission Specialist: ''Snake...where are you going?''
Snake: ''I dunno....where am I?''
Mission Specialist: ''You're on a mission...''
Snake: ''Me?''
Mission Specialist: ''Yes, you''
Snake: ''Are you sure?''
Mission Specialist: ''......''
Snake: ''What is my mission?''
Mission Specialist: ''To destroy the new Metal Gear....''
Snake: ''Oh.....''
Mission Specialist: ''You don't...know what a Metal Gear is, do you?''
Snake: ''Nope....''
Mission Specialist:: *sigh*
Snake: ''So....a Metal Gear, uh?''
Mission Specialist: ''Yep.''
Snake: ''And.....how do I reach it?''
Mission Specialist: ''You just.....infiltrate that facility. 200 meters ahead.''
Snake: ''I can't see it.......where is it?''
Mission Specialist: ''Put on your glasses.....''
*Snake puts on glasses*
Snake: ''Oh...THAT facility.....''
Guard lying below Snake: ''Can you.....move just a bit.....? I can't breathe with your right foot on my throat....''
Snake: ''Oh sorry.....didn't see you....''
 
                         IN THE FACILITY

Snake: ''Ok.....I'm in the facility...what am I doing here?''
Mission Specialist: ''.................''
Snake: ''WHAT?! I forgot! You'll see when you're old like me! Always forgetting stuff.....''
Mission Specialist: ''I guess.....well.....just listen to me now the-.........What are you........are you sleeping?''
Snake: *zzzzzz*
Mission Specialist: ''Colonel.....he's asleep again.....''
Colonel: ''DAMMIT, Otacon! I told you to give him those pills to make him wide awake!''
Otacon: *zzzzzzzz*
Colonel: ''God.....I hate old people....''
Snake: ''Hmmm.....I see.....a sillhouette...''
Mission Specialist: ''Good job, Snake! That is indeed a guard!''
Snake: ''Ahah! Looks like I can see well, after all! Now....to shoot him...''
*Grabs M9*
Snake: ''Ha! With the training I had with that can, I cannot miss'
Mission Specialist: ''Ermm.... you missed all the shots, Snake...''
Snake: ''Really?...''
Mission Specialist: ''Yup''
Snake: ''I'm dead then...''
Mission Specialist: ''Pretty much...''
*Snake runs away really really....slowly*
Snake: ''Colonel! I see Ocelot!''
Colonel:''You mean......Revolver Ocelot?!''
Snake: ''YES!''
Colonel: ''SNAKE! AVOID HIM AT ALL COSTS!''
Snake: ''Ok....I'll just leave then....''
*Snake's back makes a cracking noise*
Snake: ''Shit.....''
*Ocelot doesn't move*
Snake: ''Phew....thank god he can't hear well either!''
Ocelot:''That's where you're wrong, Snake!''
Snake: ''But...how?!''
Ocelot: ''AHAH! With the aid of this hearing device, I can hear any noise a stupid old geezer couldn't!''
Snake: ''Hmm...I need to get one of those...Otacon!''
Otacon: *yawn* ''Yes, Snake?''
Snake: ''I want one of those hearing devices.''
Otacon: ''Sorry, Snake. I can't make them.''
Snake: ''.....but..you can even make stealth suits!''
Otacon: ''Well...that's because I studied to be a designer at college...''
Snake: ''.......''
Otacon: ''.......''
Snake: ''I hate you, Otacon.''
Ocelot: ''Hey,I'm still here.......''
Snake: ''Oh...Sorry, I forgot...NOW, OCELOT! WE WILL SEE WHO WILL PERISH AND WHO WILL SURVIVE!''
Ocelot: ''I guess......''
Snake: ''Huh? Where's your fighting spirit?''
Ocelot: ''Honestly, Snake....I'm in a wheel chair, Liquid's one of my arms....There's no point in living...''
Liquid's arm: ''I'LL CRUSH YOU, SNAKE!''
Ocelot: ''Shut it! God...I can't stand arms that control you....''
Snake: ''So what? Can't you fight in a wheel chair?''
Ocelot: ''I guess I can....but you can still walk. So, it's a bit unfair.''
Snake: ''Ok.....I'll put down my glasses.''
Ocelot: ''Now THAT's more like it! if there's one thing I can trust, it's my amazing vision!''
*Silence*
Ocelot: ''Where are you, Snake?''
Snake: ''..................''
Ocelot: ''WHERE?!''
Snake: ''I haven't moved....''
Ocelot: ''Oh......''
Snake: ''Say, Ocelot...can you still do those nifty tricks with your revolver? Those kicked major ass!''
Ocelot: ''Yeah! I think, I can! Aww.....I didn't know you liked them so much...''
Snake: ''Well.....I do......''
*Ocelot makes a terribly scary attempt of a smile*
Ocelot: ''Ok.....I'm gonna try it.....here goes!''
*Ocelot starts the nifty revolver juggling tricks*
Snake: ''WOW! Nice, Ocelot!'' *claps*
Ocelot: ''Hehe thanks.You know I always liked doing this.....''
Snake: ''I always liked watching that....Hmm......you know.....you could join a Circus and do those juggling tricks! That way, your life would have a meaning!''
Ocelot: ''Hmm....You know, Snake......I LIKE THAT IDEA! I could even paint my nose with red paint and put on some green wig.....''
Snake: ''YEAH! Why don't you join a Circus then?!''
Ocelot: ''I'm gonna do that!''
*Ocelot moves the wheel chair* *Snake watches*
Ocelot: ''............''
Snake: ''What?''
ocelot: ''Snake......can you help me going down this ramp?''
Snake: ''Hum......Give me that Lv1 Security Card, then.''
Ocelot: ''Okays. I have no need for it.''
*Snake goes to help Ocelot.* *A day passes....* *Another day passes.......* *Yet another day passes.......*
Snake: ''Ok.....here we are. That ramp was massive.....''
Ocelot: ''Ooops......I forgot my Bus pass.....''
Snake: ''..........''
*Snake kicks Ocelot's wheel chair* *Ocelot falls and hits his face on the floor*
*Snake looks around......*
Snake: ''Well.........At least he died happy....''
*Steals hearing device*
Liquid's arm: ''HEY! GIVE THAT BACK!''
Snake: ''HA STFU n00b!''
*Opens Lv1 Security Door*

                       WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE

Snake: ''Wow......Colonel? Are you seeing this?''

Colonel: ''Yes....''
Snake: ''It's a Jungle replica inside the facility!''
Colonel: ''Hmm....well....You've had a mission on a jungle before, haven't you?''
Snake: ''Hum.....no? That was Big Boss...''

Colonel:  ''How should I know?!''
Snake: ''I wasn't even born back then...''

Colonel: ''Whatever! Snake, your mission is to destroy Metal Gear Tyranossaurus Rex. Not annoy me!''
Snake: ''I apologize.''

Colonel: ''Okay....now head North and cross the artificial cave behind the artificial waterfall with artifical water.''
Snake: ''Hum.....wait... what the hell is a Metal Gear?!''

Colonel: ''It's that stupid friggen' robot thing that is able to launch a nuclear strike!''
Snake: ''Oh....hmmm.....didn't I fight something like that already?''	

Colonel: ''Yes...but this is a new model...as I've told you before....''
Snake: ''What's new in it?''

Colonel: ''Nothing...''
Snake: ''Then why...''

Colonel: ''BECAUSE THE STUPID IDIOT SCIENTISTS WHO MADE METAL GEAR T-REX ARE HORRIBLY AT GIVING NAMES!''
Snake: ''HA! STOP YELLING!''

Colonel: ''I'M NOT YELLING...''
Snake: ''YES YOU ARE!!''

Colonel: ''I TOLD YOU...I AM NOT YELLING!!''
Snake: ''GOD DAMMIT ! YOU ARE!! Oh wait, I turned the hearing aid volume up by mistake...''
*Colonel throws a dart at a picture of old Snake sleeping*
Snake: ''Hey, what was that sound??''

Colonel: ''Hm? What sound?..........There was no sound, Now turn the damned hearing aid off!''
*Colonel Thinks: Dammit.....stupid idiot...why didn't we send that gay guy, Raiden?! He's younger than him and he wouldn't be here annoying me constantly....* ''LET GO OFF MY LEG, RAIDEN!''
Raiden: ''But I like your hairy leg..........''
Colonel: ''STOP IT! AND STOP WEARING THAT DRESS!''
Raiden: ''Why? You don't like lavender?'' 
Colonel: ''YES, I do....! In fact, I have a lavender-coloured shirt. BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT! I'm not gay, like you!''
*Raiden moans*

Colonel: ''Anyways....Snake!''
*Snake wakes up*

Colonel: ''Snake. Proceed to the cave I told you about.''
Snake: ''What cave?''

Colonel: ''That cave behind the artificial waterfall...''
Snake: ''OH, right!''
*Snake walks slowly through the jungle.....well, not like he could walk fast.....*
Snake: ''Colonel. I'm at the cave's entrance.''
Colonel: ''Good job, Snake.''
Snake: ''Now what?''

Colonel: ''Enter the cave?''
Snake: ''Oh...thank god. I was getting all wet.''
*Snake walks into cave.*
Snake: ''Colonel....I can't see shit.''
Colonel: ''Have your glasses on?''
Snake: ''No....''
*Puts on glasses*
Snake: ''Colonel...I still can't see crap..''

Colonel: ''Is it dark in there?''
Snake: ''Yes........''

Colonel: ''Hum....maybe...it's because caves usually don't have that much light...''
Snake: ''Oh, thanks, Einstein.''

Colonel: ''....''
Snake: ''....''

Colonel: ''Anyways...do you see any light switch on the walls?''
Snake: ''I think so...''
*Snake finds and presses switch. Lights turn on.*
Snake: ''Oh....much better.''

Colonel: ''Ok...now proceed deeper into the cave, Snake.''
Snake: ''What for?''

Colonel: ''.....''
Snake: ''Oh, right! The Metal Gear T-Rex...''
*Snake uses the amazing speed he does not have to walk incredibly fast*
Snake: ''I think I see light, Colonel.''

                         METAL GEAR ROOM

Colonel: ''Good job. Now...you should be inside the room where Metal Gear is located.''
Snake: ''Wait....shouldn't it take a lot more time than this...and me needing to get lots of different Security cards?''

Colonel: ''Yes...but we don't want to do this story too big so that everybody gets bored, do we?''
Snake: ''I guess not...There it is, Colonel! The Metal Gear Tyranossaurus Rex!''

Colonel: ''Seems so...''
Snake: ''It doesn't look that much amphibious-ish...''

Colonel: ''Why?''
Snake: ''Well duh...it has no fins.''

Colonel: ''.....Snake. You are so dumb.''
Snake: ''I think that was an insult. Be glad I can't hear very well. So....my mission...''

Colonel: ''Destroy Metal Gear.''
Snake: ''Yes. Exactly. But..how do I destroy it?''

Colonel: ''Hum...try to find a power cable going from the Metal Gear to a power socket...''
*Snake goes to the back of the Metal Gear T-Rex and finds the power cable*
Snake: ''What now?''

Colonel: ''Pull the cable, Snake....''
Snake: ''Don't tell me....the most powerful weapon of mass-destruction in the world needs to be plugged to a power socket......''
Colonel: ''I'm afraid so...''
*Snake pulls the cable*
Colonel: ''Congratulations, Snake! You are a hero.''
??????(shadow figure): ''NOT SO FAST!''
Snake: ''Is that a joke?! Are you making fun of my speed?!''
??????: ''Hum...no! It's just an expression!''
Colonel: ''I'm sure it is, you dirty rat! I'll bring you down to China town!''
*Snake starts ''running'' at the man and kicks him*
Man: ''But Snake...I am your father...''
Snake: ''Are you really???!!!''
Man: ''Nah...just trying to have some fun for the last time''
Snake: ''....''
Man: ''....no fun?''
Snake: ''I'm gonna shoot your leg for that.''
*Snake shoots the man's leg...but misses and hits his head*
Snake: ''Oops...well...not like he was gonna live much more''
*Slowly walks out of room while back keeps making cracking noises*

The end